Posted by Daniel Mayfield 8 comments

Let's say you're a middle aged guy. You're lying on the sofa Sunday afternoon watching a little football.

You settle into the body shape groove formed from several hundred hours of "grooving", when suddenly, out of the corner of your eye, you see your wife struggling with a laundry basket full of your sweat stained tighty whities (name given to underwear that shows any amount of bulging).

"Ugh, this is heavy!" She says, short of breath. 

"She can handle it," you say to yourself "She could, use the exercise..." "After all, it IS her job to do the laundry."

She continues to struggle, and you can no longer convince yourself to stay grooved. So, for the first time in your married life, you offer to 'help' your wife with the laundry.

This is when you pick up the basket full of stinky tighties and sweat filled socks. You smell something funny and ask your wife, "Do I smell Curry?" 

She brings you back to an area of the house that you have never seen, called, The Laundry Room. This is where she spends most of her time because you change shirts two hundred times a week on average. She will proceed to introduce you to several new pieces of technology that you've only seen in Sears on your way to buy a new hammer. You probably start to think about the hammer you saw in yesterday's paper that has the capability of pounding three or more nails at once, and then you begin to smell Curry again.  

"This here is the washing machine." Your wife says. She gives you a series of instructions similar to this: "OK, press the red button three times. Wait three seconds, and press it again. Ok, now press it two more times. Now turn that dial approximately twenty five degrees counter clock-wise while holding the button with a built in picture of Brad Pitt." 

None of it made any sense to you, so you ask your wife if she is making Curry for dinner. 

"Ok" She says, "Now that you understand how to wash the clothes, I'll show you how to fold them! And afterwards we'll make sock puppets!" 

You regret helping your wife with the laundry and now your stuck decorating your old socks with thread and buttons. 

Your wife will probably tell you how much fun she had crafting with you, so she'll invite you to the Crafty Mouse (a store where the only man to ever enter was Elton John) with all her friends.

Tomorrow's agenda: Dishes with Bonnie (a new show about ways to make dish washing more enjoyable), learning to quilt, and most likely, grooving. 

You will probably find yourself lying on the couch with the former identity of a man, and a small, shriveled sock puppet. 

"Ready for the dishes!" 

How was it? 

8 Responses

  1. Jason says:

    True. Never, ever do something unexpected because from that point on it will be expected which leads to an increased anticipation of the next unexpected. It will ruin your marriage. Just find a 'groove' and settle in.

  2. Thank you for the advice Jason. I always have a hard time finding my groove. I mean, I can dance and I can be Funky but everything seems so difficult.

  3. You are more important than N Jason.

  4. DM says:

    Hey, I have been in the crafty mouse. Does that make me like Elton John?

  5. No dad, you are just one of the many men who slipped into the groove and there is really nothing you can do about it.

  6. Nancy says:

    Ha ha You're so crazy. This is precisely why I keep telling my hubby to clean out the computer tower, because if I do it once or even watch him do it, it will become my job.

    However, I would love it if my hubby made a sock puppet, good idea...

  7. Very good point Nancy, and I apologize for not remembering that. Computers are generally the males job. Your husband should HAVE to make a sock puppet if he doesn't clean the computer.

  8. Anonymous says:

    This is one of the finest literary masterpieces I've ever seen.

Post a Comment