Posted by Daniel Mayfield 5 comments

Have you ever noticed how the more expensive food is the more it starts to taste like crap? Fancy restaurants usually offer a total of three menu items of tiny proportions and are uncooked. I think people like to trick themselves into liking things based on how fancy it is. "Uh, I think I'll have the BLACK burnt coffee, with dark chocolate, and a side of fish eggs." Yeah, that sounds great. "Oh, and please throw in a couple of slimy uncooked oysters too."


Oysters? How about you just eat a giant booger? Cause that's what they taste like. "Please, sir, you would never understand...giant boogers are an acquired taste meant only for the richest people."

Recently I saw a post on facebook from a guy who asked the question, "Is there anything better than dark chocolate?? I think not!" A line of girls commented back and said things like, "OhMyGosh! You're so right!", or "I LOVE dark chocolate!" Seriously girls? We all know that you like milk chocolate way more. Dark chocolate is a fake version of real chocolate meant only for the richest and most acquired mouths. "Honey, pass me the dark chocolate and put on that music with the birds chirping in the background and the guy who talks instead of singing cause that's the good stuff that us rich people listen to." "We have good taste."

I also love how the fancier the car the uglier it is. "Sebastian, let's get in our 10 million dollar kleenex box and drive to the opera to watch the fat lady sing." It's in another language!!! You can't even understand them, but it's classy.

There's my rant.

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5 Responses

  1. Jason says:

    I happen to enjoy dark chocolate, sir. As you have insulted dark chocolate I can no longer read your blog.

  2. Dark chocolate is just the lesser version of regular chocolate. You've been hypnotized therefore I no longer to have you read my blog. Good day, sir

  3. Jason says:

    Ummm. Try, please try, to make sense, good sir. Chocolate begins as dark before it is lightened with the Addition of milk. And I, sir, did not insult "regular chocolate" - as you call it - I just happen to enjoy it more in it's less "fancy" state. That is to say, I enjoy it without the addition of fancy, feminine ingredients that make it more appealing to the fancy crowd.

  4. Elizabeth says:

    i'm with you, daniel. dark chocolate stinks.

  5. Daniel's rich uncle, Nedwin III. says:

    As a rich British person, I'm rather offended at the way you speak about oysters. Oysters are not "sea boogers" as you rudely referred to them. Why they're dangling nuggets of culinary delight! Perhaps one with such an attitude as yours should start a blog for poor people who slurp up frozen pizza and Kraft craparoni and Cheese all day, because you're clearly gay. Thank you.

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